For those of you who know me, I rarely take stretches of time off. Usually I just like to extend my weekends and take a few hours off the day and such. Lately however there's been a lot of mental backlash and I'm just dog tired of being here.
I was reading the news this morning, which in itself can be an exercise in depression, but I've come to realize that there's very little going on right now that is positive. 'Hold on a sec there Freeman. Are you saying the world is going to hell in a hand basket?' No. What I am saying is that there's a ton of upheaval the world over, and many of us are stuck in the middle of it. When did ideas become something to fight over? There are many people out there who have ideas that some people don't like, and other plain hate, but they're just ideas. Belief systems seem to be another thing to argue about. Social traditions, and territorial disputes another. One man has a few extra inches of land than his neighbour, or the other guy doesn't like that dude playing heavy metal in his garage for the world to hear. People abusing one another, addictions, corruption, and lost in all this are people who want nothing to do with any of it. But you have to show up and do the work, otherwise you won't be able to go home to that house you're paying for. If you don't file that form, then your kid won't be able to get that medicine, or your car will be pulled over for expired plates. Bureaucracy amok. Ridiculous opinions. Food problems. New diseases. Conspiracy. Hatred. It's to much.
For those of you who have seen a particular clip of the movie "Network" when the protagonist is lecturing the world about humanity, and the worlds disconcerting lack of it, his quote comes to mind. "I'm a human being God dammit! My life has value!" I am mad as hell, but I'm not sure if I'm to the point where I'm not going to take it anymore. The modern day people go to schools and kill students, or decide they're going to become religious fundamentalists and overthrow government. But why would I want to do that? Am I so disenfranchised and full of spite that I need to make others suffer for my problems? I don't believe so, but I need space to breathe and clean air to do it with. I need quiet to think, and inspiration to make dreams come alive. I need love to function, and there seems to be an unbelievable lack of it in the world. What have we done to ourselves? Should I be so afraid to live that a darkened closet might be the last place of refuge for me? If I had an ounce more of gumption I might be more tempted to say 'the hell with it', and walk off into the wilderness alone to try and survive without TV, taxes, and the lying liars who run the whole world.
But for now, I elect to take a moment to clear my thoughts, and ponder how bad I need time to myself. The noise of my work environment pierces my headphones partially drowning out the gentle and melodious tones of the music I listen to. I think of all the people I've known the last few years, and mostly those whom I've lost, and wonder what it's all for? So vacation I will have eventually, even if I'm taking one just to ignore the world for another day.
Freeman
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