Well now, that went well.....

... Or so I thought. After a few years of being a practicing Pagan (solitary mind you), I finally took the opportunity and came out of the "broom closet" so to speak. I told my Mother (blessings on her) that I was a Pagan and no longer Catholic. "What do Pagans believe in?" she asked. "Pagans believe in multiple Gods." I said. We didn't really get into a huge discussion about it as my family and I were packing to leave. As we left you could feel the change, and I wasn't sure what kind of change it was. Just as we were about to pull away from the curb I looked at my wife and said "That went well." I've since come to find out in the last week that it went a lot less well than the initial impression, and what revealed it to me was a single short phone call.

When you're talking to someone you know well, and love such as a spouse or family member, you can tell when something has changed. It might be the sound of their voice or the way they talk to you. Their face may have a strangeness about them, or they may make gestures that are not ordinary to them. Sufficed to say that if you're close enough to them in mind and heart you pick up on these changes.

So I called my Mother to check and make sure that everything was fine before Hurricane Bill showed up. Not to say Mom and Dad are not capable, or that my Brother was lazy, just that I think of these things and of them, even though I don't always show it. Calling her though was not as stellar as I'd hoped. We talked for a minute, and right from the way she answered the phone I could tell she was holding back. She was not, and is not to this moment ready to talk about my choice of religion. And we all know religion has a tendency to make otherwise rational people act in a manner contrary to what they are normally like. As a result of the phone call I spent the remainder of the day moping about, wondering if I should bother calling her again, or if I should even talk to her at all. I wasn't angry, just a little down. This was more what I had expected from her, because after all Catholics are not the most prone to change. Just look at the current state of affairs in the church today.

Later on my wife (blessings on her as well) was talking to my Brother via email, who revealed that my change of faith had caused a minor row in the house. I never read the mail, as it was my wife's and I don't like to pry into her stuff (even though she told me to), so I may not have the whole story. One thing she relayed to me was that my parents were afraid I had engaged in Devil worship. Now I'm a pretty bitter gent at the best of times, and this just adds flavour to the mix. I left Catholicism because it didn't make me feel as good as a faith should in my opinion. I'm not the biggest fan of Christianity to start, but that's not to say that I hate that religion. Far from it. I think there's much to be learned from that particular faith. My jaded thoughts towards Christians primarily stem from the politicising of the faith, the practice of proselytization mostly within the more conservative faiths, and the belief that they are right. Not only that but the fact that the Bible has yet to be agreed upon, as there are plenty of other texts that may have been removed or at least hidden because of their sensitive nature. The truth on whether or not Jesus was real or not would also be really nice, but that request may have been lost to history, and the church is not giving up the shroud of Turin for any kind of dating test. So Christianity is all faith in my eyes, and not doing so well for my heart.

Enough with the negative. Paganism being what it is, a nature based faith, lifts my spirit better than Christianity ever did. Why? Because I like to sit out under the trees, and listen to the wind rustle the leaves about. I like the smell of the forest in the fall. I could watch the crashing of the waves on the sea shore for a long time. And a roaring fire in the winter time is most welcome to my heart and body. But the Christian faith does not concentrate on any of this. Does Paganism? Pagan stories bases itself in the workings of the world, the cycles of life and death and how we as people relate to them. I look at my solitary practicing of my faith as a way to evolve as a human being, a person, a father, and lover. I accept the truths of carnal knowledge, enjoy what earthly pleasures I allow myself, and know that people are still animals in many ways. If we weren't then we would not be engaged in the conflicting behaviours we generate. I have maintained always that animals do exactly what they're are supposed to do, and humans being highly evolved make choices that are dubious at best and disastrous at worst. We do things that make no sense, and treat one another poorly. With my faith I am able to hold to account the way we are, and justify better our existence. I do not pine for heaven, but realize that once we're gone, we only return to where we were, and honestly what's wrong with that? It seems to me that I would rather come back to this place rather than go on to everlasting paradise. If you're having fun all the time, wouldn't that be boring? At some point I think I'd have to punch myself in the face just to give me a point of reference.

I like Paganism because the Gods teach me many facets of the human animal, and the qualities they exude are within all of us. I don't want a God who at one point tells us that he is a vengeful God, and the next says that he loves all of His children. To me it sounds like an abusive father who cries while beating his child. But that is an overly extreme statement and not truly worthy to describe the Christian faith. I will say that the problems that plague Christianity have prevented me from pursuing it further. The church, the Catholic church in particular, is so divided on so many things that it's hard to understand where the good things are. I could be blind to it all but it's extremely hard to force all of that noise out of ones head, and then make sense of it. And not only that, I also have an extremely hard time believing that Christianity is a monotheistic religion. There are so many saints, angels, and so forth that many people pray to that I have to wonder where anyone could make the claim of monotheism. So maybe Christianity and Paganism are one in the same. After all there have also been claims of religious ideological thievery by Christians, and the evidence quite compelling. But the Christian faith has been inspirational to millions of people, so why dwell on it. It's nothing that can be readily changed, and likely anyone trying to do so would create more harm than good.

I choose to be Pagan for me, and the things that I believe. I don't believe in pressing my beliefs on people. I don't believe in using my faith for personal gain. And I certainly don't believe that my religious affiliations should define me or my family. I do believe in the power of magic, and its effects on the universe. I do believe the Gods have their own reasons for the way things are. And I do believe I will return after I'm gone, hopefully to be a better person than I am right now.

Brigid be my guide. Bright blessings upon you all.